I so agree with what you're saying about just being unreachable sometimes. I have lots of places I deliberately don't take my phone--to the gym, to the coworking space in town, even to my classroom when I teach (I leave it in my office)--and it's been so good for my brain.
I mentioned to my students yesterday that I don't bring my phone to class, and they were shocked. The first question was, but what if something happens to your kids??? And I said, well, they have another parent (who happens to be a lot closer--I'm an hour drive away on days I teach), and they laughed, but I hope that stuck with some of them, that the mom doesn't always have to be on duty.
I LOVE this, Katherine. We try to do a "digital detox" when we go on family trips. Real cameras and no phones. The weight usually releases around day 3 (so it works best on week long trips or longer). Never tried it with kids at home though.
I keep thinking about how my parents went on vacation to Mexico for a week and left us three kids at home with a 20 year old babysitter (we were 8, 6, and ONE!) and they called from a landline at the hotel twice to check in on us. That seemed totally normal and rational. If the babysitter needed to reach them, she had the information for the hotel.
I also had a friend with four kids who went on a smartphone break for a full year and often left her dumb phone home. We kept asking her "what happens if there is an emergency?" and she would respond "does it matter if I hear about it immediately or come home to a voicemail an hour or two later? couldn't they just call my husband if it is that urgent and I don't pick up?" She eventually caved to the pressure of technology because texting was so annoying and no one wants to pick up the phone anymore.
It has made me consider leaving my phone home more though... a little bit.
I haven’t done anything this bold but it’s inspiring! I was in a bad habit of scrolling before bed and having some sleep issues so restrictions in my phone use settings and instead have been reading, watching tv or listening to a podcast before bed and it’s helped a lot. I’ve also tried to pull back from texting my husband parenting instructions (what to feed the kids, what time they need to be where) when I’m away, and trust him/empower him to act like the capable adult I know he can be. This in turn has led to less parenting questions from him when I’m away.
Several years ago I was at an event and the person next to me accidentally took my phone home. I was able to figure out how to contact them and get it back but not having it for a day was refreshing. I thought someone should start a scheduled phone snatching service so that more people could experience this break (obviously, leaving it at home makes sense, too).
A friend of mine and her husband deleted any non-essential apps off their phone. There is basically just text, calling, and maps left. I aspire to that level of disconnection.
I would also like to say though that I think we keep more in-tune to the news via many of these addictive apps. For example, older generations don’t see the posts made by those enduring a genocide, so don’t get that personal viewpoint that can really affect those bearing witness through the screen.
And I know balance is probably the answer, right? But these apps aren’t built to be balanced. It’s so hard!
When we romanticize the past, we do forget that Media narratives were very limited and controlled by a very few decision makers. Although as a journalist, it deeply upsets me that people get so much news from unreliable social media sources. This is a complex problem for sure, but I don’t see a world where addictive endless scrolling is good for us.
Have you heard of the Brick app? Full disclosure that I haven’t actually set mine up yet, but I purchased the physical device with good intentions. Basically it lets you turn your smart phone into a dumb phone by limiting which apps you can use when “bricked” and you have to physically touch the brick again to “unbrick”. One of these days I’ll get around to using it (and hopefully convince my husband to use it too) but I liked the concept so much I couldn’t resist purchasing!
I've had similar experiences, where I've forgotten my phone at home, went on without it, & realized, yeah, i don't really need to be reachable all the time....(And then I fall back into typical 21st century habits, which leads to things like me stepping out of my Jazzercise class last week b/c my son's name popped up on my watch -- my phone & my watch are connected -- & I probably could let it go b/c class is almost over anyway and he's 18 & super capable, but also, he works w lawn mowers & heavy equipment all day, so what if he's hurt & it's an emergency? It was not an emergency. It was a 'hey, what's the food plan at home tonight?' call. None of us need that kind of stress encroaching on us when we're trying to take of ourselves.)
I once had to step out of a class because gym daycare called to say my 2yo had pooped and I needed to change him! But yes agree, usually it isn’t an emergency especially as they get older!
I was a teacher at small Montessori preschools in the pre-cell phone late 80s, 90s and early 2000s. If a kid got sick at school, we called the family landline or the landline at a parent's office. Sometimes the parent wasn't available - out running errands, in a meeting, etc. The kid would nap in the admin office until a parent called us back or we'd move to the family's emergency contacts if the kid was getting sicker. This was normal, this was how life worked.
Everything changed after 9/11. People trapped in the twin towers who had cell phones were able to call their loved ones and say good-bye, leave a voicemail that would never be erased. These voicemails were shared widely on the news and in the year or two afterward, suddenly everyone had a cell phone. It all came from fear.
I don't have little kids but I have olde people with health issues. I don't keep my phone in my purse and when I leave the house, I make a conscious decision about whether or not I need a phone. I really try not to take my phone on walks.
I so agree with what you're saying about just being unreachable sometimes. I have lots of places I deliberately don't take my phone--to the gym, to the coworking space in town, even to my classroom when I teach (I leave it in my office)--and it's been so good for my brain.
I mentioned to my students yesterday that I don't bring my phone to class, and they were shocked. The first question was, but what if something happens to your kids??? And I said, well, they have another parent (who happens to be a lot closer--I'm an hour drive away on days I teach), and they laughed, but I hope that stuck with some of them, that the mom doesn't always have to be on duty.
I LOVE this, Katherine. We try to do a "digital detox" when we go on family trips. Real cameras and no phones. The weight usually releases around day 3 (so it works best on week long trips or longer). Never tried it with kids at home though.
I keep thinking about how my parents went on vacation to Mexico for a week and left us three kids at home with a 20 year old babysitter (we were 8, 6, and ONE!) and they called from a landline at the hotel twice to check in on us. That seemed totally normal and rational. If the babysitter needed to reach them, she had the information for the hotel.
I also had a friend with four kids who went on a smartphone break for a full year and often left her dumb phone home. We kept asking her "what happens if there is an emergency?" and she would respond "does it matter if I hear about it immediately or come home to a voicemail an hour or two later? couldn't they just call my husband if it is that urgent and I don't pick up?" She eventually caved to the pressure of technology because texting was so annoying and no one wants to pick up the phone anymore.
It has made me consider leaving my phone home more though... a little bit.
Your parents are my idols, I bow down.
😄
also, perfectly acceptable parenting strategy in the '80's?
I haven’t done anything this bold but it’s inspiring! I was in a bad habit of scrolling before bed and having some sleep issues so restrictions in my phone use settings and instead have been reading, watching tv or listening to a podcast before bed and it’s helped a lot. I’ve also tried to pull back from texting my husband parenting instructions (what to feed the kids, what time they need to be where) when I’m away, and trust him/empower him to act like the capable adult I know he can be. This in turn has led to less parenting questions from him when I’m away.
Several years ago I was at an event and the person next to me accidentally took my phone home. I was able to figure out how to contact them and get it back but not having it for a day was refreshing. I thought someone should start a scheduled phone snatching service so that more people could experience this break (obviously, leaving it at home makes sense, too).
It’s wild we need something so extreme to happen to to get a break!
Maybe not everyone does, but this might work well for some people 😆
totally seems like an amazing dystopian business idea (pay me and I'll steal your phone so you can calm down and give your brain a break)
A friend of mine and her husband deleted any non-essential apps off their phone. There is basically just text, calling, and maps left. I aspire to that level of disconnection.
I would also like to say though that I think we keep more in-tune to the news via many of these addictive apps. For example, older generations don’t see the posts made by those enduring a genocide, so don’t get that personal viewpoint that can really affect those bearing witness through the screen.
And I know balance is probably the answer, right? But these apps aren’t built to be balanced. It’s so hard!
When we romanticize the past, we do forget that Media narratives were very limited and controlled by a very few decision makers. Although as a journalist, it deeply upsets me that people get so much news from unreliable social media sources. This is a complex problem for sure, but I don’t see a world where addictive endless scrolling is good for us.
Have you heard of the Brick app? Full disclosure that I haven’t actually set mine up yet, but I purchased the physical device with good intentions. Basically it lets you turn your smart phone into a dumb phone by limiting which apps you can use when “bricked” and you have to physically touch the brick again to “unbrick”. One of these days I’ll get around to using it (and hopefully convince my husband to use it too) but I liked the concept so much I couldn’t resist purchasing!
I have seen this advertised but I didn’t know what it did and I’m intrigued!!!
I've had similar experiences, where I've forgotten my phone at home, went on without it, & realized, yeah, i don't really need to be reachable all the time....(And then I fall back into typical 21st century habits, which leads to things like me stepping out of my Jazzercise class last week b/c my son's name popped up on my watch -- my phone & my watch are connected -- & I probably could let it go b/c class is almost over anyway and he's 18 & super capable, but also, he works w lawn mowers & heavy equipment all day, so what if he's hurt & it's an emergency? It was not an emergency. It was a 'hey, what's the food plan at home tonight?' call. None of us need that kind of stress encroaching on us when we're trying to take of ourselves.)
I had an Apple Watch and I just decided I need to not be so reachable/distractibld. It’s too much for me
I once had to step out of a class because gym daycare called to say my 2yo had pooped and I needed to change him! But yes agree, usually it isn’t an emergency especially as they get older!
I was a teacher at small Montessori preschools in the pre-cell phone late 80s, 90s and early 2000s. If a kid got sick at school, we called the family landline or the landline at a parent's office. Sometimes the parent wasn't available - out running errands, in a meeting, etc. The kid would nap in the admin office until a parent called us back or we'd move to the family's emergency contacts if the kid was getting sicker. This was normal, this was how life worked.
Everything changed after 9/11. People trapped in the twin towers who had cell phones were able to call their loved ones and say good-bye, leave a voicemail that would never be erased. These voicemails were shared widely on the news and in the year or two afterward, suddenly everyone had a cell phone. It all came from fear.
I don't have little kids but I have olde people with health issues. I don't keep my phone in my purse and when I leave the house, I make a conscious decision about whether or not I need a phone. I really try not to take my phone on walks.
I love this perspective, thanks for sharing. I hadn't tied it to 9/11 but this makes so much sense in historical context.