A practice I've been thinking about, is to set the standard that each adult in the house gets equal free time to rest, have hobbies, see friends, etc. That's an idea people can more easily get around. Then the issue is just how to divvy up the tasks so everyone gets equal rest.
I tend to believe that if you reinforce good behavior you get good behavior. When we want politicians to advocate for us, we have to let them know they did a good job. People hate to feel unappreciated. We don't have to turn every little thing into an attaboy but if someone is trying to change culture on their own that's really daunting. Showing solidarity is key.
It’s hard not to get bitter about the fact that something like 70% of families now have two parents who work because you can’t live on a single income anymore. I think this is the first generation where mothers have to work on top of everything else they’ve always been expected to do just to acquire a middle class lifestyle. Expectations have never been higher on parents: we’re supposed to be working full time yet involved in education and endless extracurriculars. We’re our children’s therapists, coaches, teachers, etc. I don’t think any other generation has endured such high demands for parenting and certainly women have never had to carry so much. So thank God fathers are stepping up, even if it is only by necessity.
Thank you for this. I'm grateful for work like this because it's a mirror that allows me to see how I show up at home, and how I fall short. I know a "good dad" simply means I am just doing my job. I have super complex feelings about being a "good dad," because I know it's really rooted in some men who do literally nothing. Instead of "comparing down," I compare up. I'm striving to be like the fathers I admire, while also consistently telling my wife she's an amazing mother. This is a long way of saying, I am a man that benefits from male privilege and, I think it's important task should be shared equally. After seeing my son born, 9 months ago, I laud my wife even more. Thank you for this, all mothers needed to be lauded.
This topic is so frustrating because you're right, they often do think they're doing more than they are (my husband insists he does more housework than me... He absolutely does not), they get praised for doing the bare minimum while we get criticised (my husband walks into town with our kids and gets "aren't you a good dad!", I walk in with them and get comments about having my hands full, and "do you know how condoms work?") BUT also, nothing will change unless the men are being praised on a global level because women's voices still aren't as powerful. Great read.
Ps my husband is a great dad, I didn't want to leave his here with the impression that I don't see that 😅
A practice I've been thinking about, is to set the standard that each adult in the house gets equal free time to rest, have hobbies, see friends, etc. That's an idea people can more easily get around. Then the issue is just how to divvy up the tasks so everyone gets equal rest.
I tend to believe that if you reinforce good behavior you get good behavior. When we want politicians to advocate for us, we have to let them know they did a good job. People hate to feel unappreciated. We don't have to turn every little thing into an attaboy but if someone is trying to change culture on their own that's really daunting. Showing solidarity is key.
It’s hard not to get bitter about the fact that something like 70% of families now have two parents who work because you can’t live on a single income anymore. I think this is the first generation where mothers have to work on top of everything else they’ve always been expected to do just to acquire a middle class lifestyle. Expectations have never been higher on parents: we’re supposed to be working full time yet involved in education and endless extracurriculars. We’re our children’s therapists, coaches, teachers, etc. I don’t think any other generation has endured such high demands for parenting and certainly women have never had to carry so much. So thank God fathers are stepping up, even if it is only by necessity.
Thank you for this. I'm grateful for work like this because it's a mirror that allows me to see how I show up at home, and how I fall short. I know a "good dad" simply means I am just doing my job. I have super complex feelings about being a "good dad," because I know it's really rooted in some men who do literally nothing. Instead of "comparing down," I compare up. I'm striving to be like the fathers I admire, while also consistently telling my wife she's an amazing mother. This is a long way of saying, I am a man that benefits from male privilege and, I think it's important task should be shared equally. After seeing my son born, 9 months ago, I laud my wife even more. Thank you for this, all mothers needed to be lauded.
This topic is so frustrating because you're right, they often do think they're doing more than they are (my husband insists he does more housework than me... He absolutely does not), they get praised for doing the bare minimum while we get criticised (my husband walks into town with our kids and gets "aren't you a good dad!", I walk in with them and get comments about having my hands full, and "do you know how condoms work?") BUT also, nothing will change unless the men are being praised on a global level because women's voices still aren't as powerful. Great read.
Ps my husband is a great dad, I didn't want to leave his here with the impression that I don't see that 😅