Let’s Make Having People Over Less Intimidating
I have a plan for you.
Attention all: I’m going to try out our first How to Find Your People Club Classifieds! If you are doing things related to community and connection work, I want to boost what you are up to! If you want to let my readers know about your Substack, your business, your non-profit that’s looking for volunteers, or even that your book club is looking for new members etc etc etc, send a few sentences about it and how people can find/reach you. Paid members will get top placement, and I reserve the right to edit your posts or decline them for any reason. Email me at askthedoubleshift@gmail.com with your 3-sentence max “classified ad” by EOD July 11!
Also! I’ve been doing a fair bit of press lately. Since Twitter died and I effectively quit Instagram, I haven’t figured out the best way to share articles and podcasts I like or have been featured in. So here’s a lil roundup:
I was featured (with photos!) In the Globe and Mail (Canada’s NYT, apparently,) about not cleaning up my house and having low-key dinner parties. A perfect topic fit for this month’s HTFYPC ( here’s a link around the paywall)
I bitched about the mental load of “school spirit weeks” and my refusal to register them as something I need to do to the Atlantic. (Gift link)
Oprah Daily interviewed me for An Introvert’s Guide to Finding Community.
I was quoted in the NYT about opting out of American summer camp and participating in “kid rot” (not my term). This article received mixed responses for its somewhat inflammatory framing.
My local NPR affiliate, WUNC, had me on Due South to talk about the problems with summer in America.
I talked about community building for two wonderful podcasts you should check out, Refamulating and Edit Your Life!
Now onto the main event!
What if I told you there was a pretty simple way to strengthen your social ties, friendships, and help you feel more connected within a community? Would you give it a try? All of these things can be aided by the simple act of inviting people over for a casual meal at your home. Hosting and sharing a meal is, across cultures, one of our most ancient ways to build connection. Studies show that sharing meals with people can decrease loneliness and increase our happiness and well-being.
Easier said than done, though, right? For some, inviting people into our homes and providing food can feel like a tall order for many valid reasons. First of all, we’re out of practice. Like talking to strangers and joining new groups, if we’re rusty at having people over, it can feel intimidating to get started. Second, we’re busy. Those in the paid workforce, those with care responsibilities, and people who are inundated with the mental load of modern life, it can be hard to make time and space for one more thing if it feels out of our comfort zone. There are also a bunch of systemic forces at play that are feeding this trend. Even though new houses are much bigger than they were a generation ago, home design trends have swung away from dedicated dining rooms. While eat-in kitchens and open concept spaces may be a more practical use of space, it can mean there is literally no practical place to have guests over for a meal. I also think social media has completely distorted our perception about what other people’s homes look like and what is expected when “entertaining.” Customized and themed decor is not needed to have your next-door neighbors over for a barbecue. $400 worth of elegantly arranged meat and cheese charcuterie boards isn’t a real-world standard when inviting some new friends from church over on a Sunday night. Don’t let Instagram convince you otherwise!
This month’s How to Find Your People Club will be a summer grab bag of content, but our main focus will be meeting you wherever you are in your hosting journey. For some, this may mean inviting someone into your home for the first time; for others, it may mean working towards creating low-effort, sustainable routines that allow you to have people in your home more often as a way to build and deepen connections.
HTFYP Club Plans for July 👇