I really like this differentiation between community and friendships. It helps illustrate that you can be in community with people you disagree with or just don't mesh with.
Yes! I have been in a book club for almost 8 years which I would consider community, not friendship. The differing view points of the women in the group are something I value immensely, but also prevent me from being friends with them outside of this group.
I found this article after googling ‘friendship vs community’ because I have been feeling really guilty telling my close and amazing friends that a big part of our move is in search of a deeper sense of community. I haven’t had the language to illustrate that while I feel so lucky to have many meaningful and fulfilling friendships, something feels missing. This is so helpful in illustrating the overlapping but also distinct roles that each play. Thank you 💖
This essay crystallizes ideas I’ve been experimenting with for the past year. After the 2024 election and watching “Join or Die” (the documentary about the “Bowling Alone” guy), I have thrown myself into hyper-local community building. But it’s been very experimental and messy at times. :-) This is a great framework to bring more order and direction to my efforts.
The difference between friends and community is one I have always been keenly aware of. I remember reflecting in my 20s about the large circle of interconnected people I knew who were mostly not people I was close friends with, but who still mattered dearly to me (and whom I still delight in, whenever our paths crossed), because they were my COMMUNITY. And then separately to that, a small coterie of intense intimates who were mostly disconnected from each other (my friends). Reading your post, I reflected that a lot of the loneliness I hear about from people in my life is not due to lack of friends, but due to lack of community. And similarly, that the difficulty I sometimes experience in maintaining regular contact with my friends is due to their lack of connection with each other. (Less of a challenge in my 20s!)
you have summed the problems up perfectly! this is exactly why I'm focused on teaching people how to build community relationships rather than focusing on 1:1 friendships.
This is such a helpful way to conceptualize the differences. And this really feels accurate as I think about my kids' school communities, neighborhood and book club.
This explanation makes a lot of sense. I have some close friends from college but because we live in different states I rarely see them and can’t count on them to help out in day to day life. Even the friends I have in town I don’t see as often as I’d like, and exactly like you said it’s hard to find a date that everyone can get together but we are more likely to see each other at town or school functions.
I really like this differentiation between community and friendships. It helps illustrate that you can be in community with people you disagree with or just don't mesh with.
Exactly!!! This is a key point that people miss
Yes! I have been in a book club for almost 8 years which I would consider community, not friendship. The differing view points of the women in the group are something I value immensely, but also prevent me from being friends with them outside of this group.
It’s great that you can distinguish between the two and see the value of the book club even if you aren’t friends with outside of it
I found this article after googling ‘friendship vs community’ because I have been feeling really guilty telling my close and amazing friends that a big part of our move is in search of a deeper sense of community. I haven’t had the language to illustrate that while I feel so lucky to have many meaningful and fulfilling friendships, something feels missing. This is so helpful in illustrating the overlapping but also distinct roles that each play. Thank you 💖
OMG you are gonna love the book
This essay crystallizes ideas I’ve been experimenting with for the past year. After the 2024 election and watching “Join or Die” (the documentary about the “Bowling Alone” guy), I have thrown myself into hyper-local community building. But it’s been very experimental and messy at times. :-) This is a great framework to bring more order and direction to my efforts.
The difference between friends and community is one I have always been keenly aware of. I remember reflecting in my 20s about the large circle of interconnected people I knew who were mostly not people I was close friends with, but who still mattered dearly to me (and whom I still delight in, whenever our paths crossed), because they were my COMMUNITY. And then separately to that, a small coterie of intense intimates who were mostly disconnected from each other (my friends). Reading your post, I reflected that a lot of the loneliness I hear about from people in my life is not due to lack of friends, but due to lack of community. And similarly, that the difficulty I sometimes experience in maintaining regular contact with my friends is due to their lack of connection with each other. (Less of a challenge in my 20s!)
you have summed the problems up perfectly! this is exactly why I'm focused on teaching people how to build community relationships rather than focusing on 1:1 friendships.
This is such a helpful way to conceptualize the differences. And this really feels accurate as I think about my kids' school communities, neighborhood and book club.
i'm so glad it speaks ot you. I think these definitions are SO important.
This explanation makes a lot of sense. I have some close friends from college but because we live in different states I rarely see them and can’t count on them to help out in day to day life. Even the friends I have in town I don’t see as often as I’d like, and exactly like you said it’s hard to find a date that everyone can get together but we are more likely to see each other at town or school functions.