As a person who has lived as an expat / immigrant outside the U.S. nearly my entire adult life, I think this book will offer a valuable perspective. The people who succeed at expat life are those who work hard to build community. It’s both eh hardest and easiest thing to do when we are thrust far from our networks. I think looking at expat communities and how they function (both in real life and online) might be very useful for you!
What I would say are the interesting things about the experience is coming to terms with: transience (we may have friends for only a season or two, but work to maintain the relationship), and perhaps most importantly the very different assumptions people have about what it takes to build and maintain a community. It’s wild how different expectations can be across cultures and geographies. I am sure it’s the same in the US but perhaps exaggerated in a place like Dubai (where I live and where I and my children have built community with people from literally dozens of counties, including staff who live in our home).
Congrats! I've done this topic a few times on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, more recently with the producers/directors of Netflix's Join or Die and with Seth Kaplan, who does tons of work about neighborhoods/community. When the book is out, make sure to reach out to me. I know we can find an angle I haven't covered. While I mainly cover friendship, I discuss community too and I 100% agree with you that they're different. (And both are important.)
Huge congratulations to you Katherine!!! I love the title, and the argument for the role community can play in healing the divisions in society (which have inevitably come from the breakdown of community) is so extremely important and relevant right now. Can’t wait to read it!
I am fortunate enough to be part of multiple communities:
1. 20 years ago my husband and I joined a Unitarian Universalist church in NYC, in our 20s. We almost immediately had not only a bunch of other "young adult" friends/acquaintances, but also people from many ages and walks of life. Over those years, some friends have moved away, and some have passed away, but through it all there is still a feeling of connection that we cherish. We have had multiple opportunities for service (both to the community, and with the community towards the "outside").
2. For the last 18 years I have been part of a unique and special world-wide tech community related to my work with the Umbraco CMS system. I have such a sense of deep belonging with these people who share values of friendliness and helpfulness. I have been privileged to travel to (and speak at and help organize) conferences in order to spend time with these wonderful people in person, as well as having continual online communications.
3. On the first day of our son's Kindergarten, 4 years ago, at the "Meet the teacher" event, we set up a WhatsApp group with the other parents from our son's dual-language (Spanish/English) class. Over the years this "parents community" for the 20+ kids has hosted parties, answered logistical questions on WhatApp ("Can someone send a photo of this week's homework?" "What day is the Open Classroom?") and gotten to know one another. We can ask for help (like someone picking up an extra child from after-school), share resources, and banter about our kids, the school, and parenthood.
KATHERINE! I am so happy for you. I know how long you have wanted to do this and this is the most perfect book for you to write. So excited to support you through the journey. (And I guess I picked a good week to run our podcast interview on Spawned!)
Amazing amazing news!! Congratulations! I have followed your work since the podcast days and have long appreciated your thoughtful perspective on care and community, and the stories you have shared about people doing great things.
For me, a key question I hope you can address in the book is just *how* to make the shift from "friendship" (or even "acquaintance") to "community" -- I feel like in my own life since becoming a parent, I have done an okay job with building friendships with other parents, but I am struggling to shift those into the type of supportive community that might make a substantive difference in my day-to-day life. I sense that it has something to do with a shift from merely talking with friends about our lives and struggles to actually pitching in and helping one another. Maybe it's partially about making a request and letting go of some control that prevents me from asking for help? But also a fear that the other person doesn't want to make that shift?
boy do i have the perfect book for you! (too bad it's still in my head!) I am going to be talking about issues like this in the newsletter in the coming year, but this is a real issue and one i hope to help people get clarity on
One thing I am interested in is how to build community that doesn’t put the work disproportionately on the shoulders of women. I am interested in building community, helping others and having them help me, but I am often hesitant to ask for help that I KNOW would make more work for the women in my circle. A mom acquaintance recently mentioned that a woman she didn’t know well offered to bring her food when her baby is born in November and the mom said no (and to us, that she “doesn’t want to be in debt to someone in that way.”). I sort of knew what she meant, and a lot of ways that I see as taking care of each other in community—bringing food, caring for children or older adults, organizing events—I know mostly are carried out by women. Which it shouldn’t be! But how do we shift some of that work to men, without making more work for women in the meantime?
And while I do love your take on getting involved with local religious organizations as a way to build community, I hope there are lots of secular recommendations in the book as well.
tons of thoughts on this!!! most of the ideas around community building will be secular, and I am definitely thinking the gendered nature of community and unpaid labor. i will begin tackling some of these ideas in the newsletter before the book comes out, so watch this space!
As a person who has lived as an expat / immigrant outside the U.S. nearly my entire adult life, I think this book will offer a valuable perspective. The people who succeed at expat life are those who work hard to build community. It’s both eh hardest and easiest thing to do when we are thrust far from our networks. I think looking at expat communities and how they function (both in real life and online) might be very useful for you!
great ideas, thanks!
What I would say are the interesting things about the experience is coming to terms with: transience (we may have friends for only a season or two, but work to maintain the relationship), and perhaps most importantly the very different assumptions people have about what it takes to build and maintain a community. It’s wild how different expectations can be across cultures and geographies. I am sure it’s the same in the US but perhaps exaggerated in a place like Dubai (where I live and where I and my children have built community with people from literally dozens of counties, including staff who live in our home).
Congrats! I've done this topic a few times on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, more recently with the producers/directors of Netflix's Join or Die and with Seth Kaplan, who does tons of work about neighborhoods/community. When the book is out, make sure to reach out to me. I know we can find an angle I haven't covered. While I mainly cover friendship, I discuss community too and I 100% agree with you that they're different. (And both are important.)
Thanks, will do!
Congrats!! It's so timely, as I've deeply wanted more sense of community in my own life. Can't wait to read
Thank you!!! More on these topics coming in the newsletter in 2025!
Huge congratulations to you Katherine!!! I love the title, and the argument for the role community can play in healing the divisions in society (which have inevitably come from the breakdown of community) is so extremely important and relevant right now. Can’t wait to read it!
Amazing, congrats! 🎉
Wonderful news, congratulations!
I am fortunate enough to be part of multiple communities:
1. 20 years ago my husband and I joined a Unitarian Universalist church in NYC, in our 20s. We almost immediately had not only a bunch of other "young adult" friends/acquaintances, but also people from many ages and walks of life. Over those years, some friends have moved away, and some have passed away, but through it all there is still a feeling of connection that we cherish. We have had multiple opportunities for service (both to the community, and with the community towards the "outside").
2. For the last 18 years I have been part of a unique and special world-wide tech community related to my work with the Umbraco CMS system. I have such a sense of deep belonging with these people who share values of friendliness and helpfulness. I have been privileged to travel to (and speak at and help organize) conferences in order to spend time with these wonderful people in person, as well as having continual online communications.
3. On the first day of our son's Kindergarten, 4 years ago, at the "Meet the teacher" event, we set up a WhatsApp group with the other parents from our son's dual-language (Spanish/English) class. Over the years this "parents community" for the 20+ kids has hosted parties, answered logistical questions on WhatApp ("Can someone send a photo of this week's homework?" "What day is the Open Classroom?") and gotten to know one another. We can ask for help (like someone picking up an extra child from after-school), share resources, and banter about our kids, the school, and parenthood.
i love these examples! thanks for sharing. it sounds like your life has been really enriched by community ties
It has, and I still often crave involvement with other communities as well.
Congrats Katherine!! I love that you're doing this am so excited for your take on this!
Woo hoo! Congrats! 🎉
So many congratulations!
congratulations! this book sounds so great and necessary!
KATHERINE! I am so happy for you. I know how long you have wanted to do this and this is the most perfect book for you to write. So excited to support you through the journey. (And I guess I picked a good week to run our podcast interview on Spawned!)
thanks for all of your encouragement, Liz!
Congratulations Katherine! What a timely and important book. Can't wait to read it.
thank you so much!
Amazing amazing news!! Congratulations! I have followed your work since the podcast days and have long appreciated your thoughtful perspective on care and community, and the stories you have shared about people doing great things.
For me, a key question I hope you can address in the book is just *how* to make the shift from "friendship" (or even "acquaintance") to "community" -- I feel like in my own life since becoming a parent, I have done an okay job with building friendships with other parents, but I am struggling to shift those into the type of supportive community that might make a substantive difference in my day-to-day life. I sense that it has something to do with a shift from merely talking with friends about our lives and struggles to actually pitching in and helping one another. Maybe it's partially about making a request and letting go of some control that prevents me from asking for help? But also a fear that the other person doesn't want to make that shift?
boy do i have the perfect book for you! (too bad it's still in my head!) I am going to be talking about issues like this in the newsletter in the coming year, but this is a real issue and one i hope to help people get clarity on
Congratulations!! I am STOKED for this book!!
One thing I am interested in is how to build community that doesn’t put the work disproportionately on the shoulders of women. I am interested in building community, helping others and having them help me, but I am often hesitant to ask for help that I KNOW would make more work for the women in my circle. A mom acquaintance recently mentioned that a woman she didn’t know well offered to bring her food when her baby is born in November and the mom said no (and to us, that she “doesn’t want to be in debt to someone in that way.”). I sort of knew what she meant, and a lot of ways that I see as taking care of each other in community—bringing food, caring for children or older adults, organizing events—I know mostly are carried out by women. Which it shouldn’t be! But how do we shift some of that work to men, without making more work for women in the meantime?
And while I do love your take on getting involved with local religious organizations as a way to build community, I hope there are lots of secular recommendations in the book as well.
tons of thoughts on this!!! most of the ideas around community building will be secular, and I am definitely thinking the gendered nature of community and unpaid labor. i will begin tackling some of these ideas in the newsletter before the book comes out, so watch this space!
Ahhhh Katherine this is wonderful news! And such a necessary book. I can't wait to read it!