Just…holy shit. I feel you. One kid is still in daycare and that is the regular schedule (aside from holiday closures and a week closure for teacher vacations—we are lucky to have my parents as a backup because of course it’s not the same week that *we* are on vacation), but the rising first grader is in a different camp for a lot of weeks. I have a similar spreadsheet to yours and a lot of extra little details in my head.
In some ways camp feels like MORE work than school. I don’t have to sunscreen up my kid or make lunch for them every day or pack nine thousand snacks. Also the drop off time is usually earlier, which is sometimes fine and sometimes not. (Earlier pickup times for at least two of our camps.) And then my kid will often whine that she doesn’t want to go and that she would rather have a babysitter (but not my parents, our backup).
I do know that my mom dealt with some of this when I was growing up in the late 80s/early 90s. And even my aunt had to go in person at 6:00 am on a morning in February to try to get a spot for my younger cousin as late as ten years ago. We got one week at that same camp this year but I only had to sign up online—still at 6:00 am, and I only got the week of July 4th (thankfully they were open all week).
Aside from actual funded/subsidized, available childcare for the summer, I would like to see some serious respect paid to mothers (it is nearly always mothers!!!) for the mental gymnastics and calculus-level equations we work through in order to make sure that our kids have places to be in the summer. Just one of many tasks that is ignored and dismissed when it is brought up, but it’s a big one.
Yes! Camp involves swimwear, changes of clothing, a packed lunch... (Not to mention all the "extra fun!" stuff that falls on parents to deal with (costume day! superhero day! favorite color day!). 🙄
Yessss I love this!! I struggle too with the balance of making them do stuff and having them be responsible for their own stuff (because I will be the one to be blamed for not having it, by my kid and by society).
I do have my five-year-old bring her water bottle and lunch bag to the counter to be cleaned out but I think I will add pack a new towel and swimsuit and hang up wet stuff to that as well! She also complains when I have her do stuff—one time she said “I don’t want to do chores every day for the rest of my life.” Sorry, kid! 😆 But I heard a guest on the Best of Both Worlds podcast a while back say “don’t expect your kids to do things without reminders or complaints” and this minor perspective shift has helped me a lot.
Also, it's like, if we're out and he doesn't have a sweater or a snack, the drama ruins the outing, so I'm always planning to pack the stuff so *I* can have a better day. But that doesn't help him become more responsible. and I feel like my husband is like "why don't you make him suck it up"? (And I'm like, don't I deserve some peace?)
Totally! Though, this summer I have decided that 8 is old enough for him to deal with his own stuff. (I do enough around here!) The new rule is that right when he comes in the door he needs to do "The 4 Things":
1. Take the wet stuff out of his backpack and hang in the bathroom
2. Pack his change of clothes for tomorrow
3. Take his lunch bag, snack bag, and water bottle to the kitchen
4. Replenish his snack bag with dried fruits, a granola bar, and goldfish crackers so it's ready for the next day
My husband and I need to remind him to finish these tasks (he is usually distracted and telling me about the fun stuff they did, and eager to get on with his home leisure activities...), and sometimes he is whiny ("There's just SO MUCH to do!" "Yeah, welcome to life", I reply.) but in general, it's working well.
I want him to learn to be responsible for his own needs. He is so used to relying on me to have packed snacks and water and a sweater and his sketch pad whenever we leave the apartment. Anytime I DON'T have a handy water bottle in my tote, he's so put out. As "responsible moms" it's hard to know when/how to transition between "my kid relies on me for everything" to "my kid needs to have the forethought to pack a little tote of his own when we will be out of the house for the day".
GAHHHHH. I am so curious to follow your process for figuring out summer 2025 -- I have been thinking hard the past two weeks about whether a summer sabbatical could make sense for my business so we could take a totally different approach to summer childcare. The split focus time is killer and sucks a lot of joy out of what is actually my favorite season. Obviously speaking with a lot of privilege here, but could it be worth the income hit to just take a proper, European-style 4-6 weeks off and then come back actually/hopefully recharged. (NOT A SYSTEMIC SOLUTION TO BE CLEAR.)
I also want to hear what you decide! Next summer I won’t be able to take a real sabbatical because I’ll likely be working on my book but I aspire to get to this place professionally.
Oh wow Katherine, I can only imagine the complete rage you must’ve felt when you got that call (the gif is probably only the half of it!) An entire week closure they never communicated about??!! So far I have been happy with our very limited participation in the summer camp Hunger Games and can’t wait to hear more about your 2025 plans. Love that you shared the summer Bingo, too, hang in there!!!
It is all so exhausting! My rage at the current systems (or lack there of) finally ignited me to see if we could create a platform to more efficiently navigate the summer camp Hunger Games (borrowing that from another comment here!) It is currently live in Portland, OR, schoolsoutapp.com.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with this, Katherine. I feel very grateful that our summer camp situation (though annoying in some ways - like why is June/July a 5-week block of camp that you have to pay for all together, but August is week-to-week? Why can't the whole thing be week-to-week?) is really not too bad. We have a single child, and the same place he attends after-school has a summer day camp that he loves. He knows the leaders, as well as some of the kids, they have water activities every day, as well as crafts and games. We are able to do an early drop-off/late-pickup (8am-6pm) for an extra fee (worth it). It's not cheap, but it's reasonably affordable to us. We are also fortunate that they do communicate well, with messages in the app and also via email when there is a holiday which closes the camp, or when the kids need to bring something special.
That all being said... sometimes I'd like to feel like "summer" meant something to myself as an adult, not just a similar setup to the school year, but the nature of work in the USA is such that the grind is expected 12 months of the year. I am close to people in Denmark, and basically they all take off the month of August (businesses practically shut down, or are on just skeleton staff), and everyone accepts that. But their culture is much more oriented towards spending time with friends and family, rather than economic productivity.
I agree the Scandinavian countries really understand how to take time away from work in the summer. and since most people vacation in August, it’s not like you come back to an overflowing inbox that takes you 2 weeks to catch up on.
That is A DOOZY. WOW. My children are 9 and 6, and I work from home. I have them in camps this summer but was thinking about trying to set up some kind of rotation with 3 or 4 other families in the neighborhood next summer. I really think this could work if we do it with kids who are all around the same ages. Many of my kids friends have backyards (as do we), live in the same 2-mile radius, and we live in San Diego, which is (still, for now) a temperate climate in the summer. So, a fair amount of privileges. But when I floated this idea to other WFH and SAH parents as school was ending, everyone thought I was joking. No one else thinks it could work. ... I'm kind of thinking next summer about talking about it quite early and trying to see if we can get some real momentum. We did it with the covid pods?
What's wild to me is what another poster discussed, that work expectations are the same regardless of childcare. And if you take time off, the tasks leading up to being off and the mountain of work you come back to...ugh. I am very curious to hear what additional options you may explore next summer. I'm debating taking more time off, working adjusted summer hours, or just being more vocal about my needs being different in the summer. I also would like to spend some of that precious summer time with them, but how? I would love a day or 3 in there to go to the pool or for a a hike when it's not crammed in on the weekend. This is my first summer doing camp and the learning curve is steep. Definitely planning to adjust strategy next year.
Yeah, I work for myself at home, and sometimes I wistfully imagine my son and I off on little city summer adventures together, but my husband works a regular fulltime in-office job, and would be so envious if the two of us were off having fun without him. Also, I think that suggesting my son forego the friends and excitement of his camp wouldn't really be a "dream come true" for him, and considering how much we are paying for said camp, it feels wasteful not to use every day, and I do have SO MUCH work right now... and then all my summer fun dreams go up in smoke.
Ugh, I’m angry on your behalf re the secret camp closure!!!!
We are experimenting w a low camp summer, with our 8,10,12yo kids. I am lucky to work only 3d/week now and my partner works fr home. We have a couple weeks where all 3 are at the same soccer camp together and other weeks where 1 kid has a camp and other 2 are home. Some weeks no one has camp. It’s going…about the same as other summers, though less expensive. Summer is HARD for my anxious kids and they are ending up with lots and lots of screen time. I also miss my days where I get a nervous system reset with no kids at home.
I am pleased to report that I largely quit summer camp this year and it's been great. My kids are 9 and 12 and I just decided they could entertain themselves. The summer will be composed of about 2 weeks on various trips, 1 week with family out of town, 1 week at sleepaway camp, 2 weeks of traditional day camp, and the rest is unstructured. One of our day camp weeks was last week and it was horrible. I got nothing done with all of the driving and end of camp performance and etc etc. Happily they're at overnight camp this week so I can catch up. I get that you can't really do this with younger kids but I do think it's feasable with late elementary/early middle school. Yes, they have complained about being bored but that is not my problem. Highly liberating for me. When they were in camp every week, I had a few policies. 1) Both kids go to the same camp, no exceptions. 2) No camps more than 15 minutes away from our house. 3) Camps must be a minimum of 6 hours OR less than 5 minutes away.
I am team total rethink for summer 2025. My boss is super understanding and said I could flex my hours, etc., but so what, that means I parent all day and work all night?! I am seriously contemplating the income hit of shifting to part time for the summer which also feels like letting the patriarchy win.
Just…holy shit. I feel you. One kid is still in daycare and that is the regular schedule (aside from holiday closures and a week closure for teacher vacations—we are lucky to have my parents as a backup because of course it’s not the same week that *we* are on vacation), but the rising first grader is in a different camp for a lot of weeks. I have a similar spreadsheet to yours and a lot of extra little details in my head.
In some ways camp feels like MORE work than school. I don’t have to sunscreen up my kid or make lunch for them every day or pack nine thousand snacks. Also the drop off time is usually earlier, which is sometimes fine and sometimes not. (Earlier pickup times for at least two of our camps.) And then my kid will often whine that she doesn’t want to go and that she would rather have a babysitter (but not my parents, our backup).
I do know that my mom dealt with some of this when I was growing up in the late 80s/early 90s. And even my aunt had to go in person at 6:00 am on a morning in February to try to get a spot for my younger cousin as late as ten years ago. We got one week at that same camp this year but I only had to sign up online—still at 6:00 am, and I only got the week of July 4th (thankfully they were open all week).
Aside from actual funded/subsidized, available childcare for the summer, I would like to see some serious respect paid to mothers (it is nearly always mothers!!!) for the mental gymnastics and calculus-level equations we work through in order to make sure that our kids have places to be in the summer. Just one of many tasks that is ignored and dismissed when it is brought up, but it’s a big one.
Camp is way more work than school, no comparison
Yes! Camp involves swimwear, changes of clothing, a packed lunch... (Not to mention all the "extra fun!" stuff that falls on parents to deal with (costume day! superhero day! favorite color day!). 🙄
OMG yes! Also remembering to take the already molding wet towel and swimsuit out of the backpack at the end of the day…
Yessss I love this!! I struggle too with the balance of making them do stuff and having them be responsible for their own stuff (because I will be the one to be blamed for not having it, by my kid and by society).
I do have my five-year-old bring her water bottle and lunch bag to the counter to be cleaned out but I think I will add pack a new towel and swimsuit and hang up wet stuff to that as well! She also complains when I have her do stuff—one time she said “I don’t want to do chores every day for the rest of my life.” Sorry, kid! 😆 But I heard a guest on the Best of Both Worlds podcast a while back say “don’t expect your kids to do things without reminders or complaints” and this minor perspective shift has helped me a lot.
Also, it's like, if we're out and he doesn't have a sweater or a snack, the drama ruins the outing, so I'm always planning to pack the stuff so *I* can have a better day. But that doesn't help him become more responsible. and I feel like my husband is like "why don't you make him suck it up"? (And I'm like, don't I deserve some peace?)
Yessssss to all of this!!
Totally! Though, this summer I have decided that 8 is old enough for him to deal with his own stuff. (I do enough around here!) The new rule is that right when he comes in the door he needs to do "The 4 Things":
1. Take the wet stuff out of his backpack and hang in the bathroom
2. Pack his change of clothes for tomorrow
3. Take his lunch bag, snack bag, and water bottle to the kitchen
4. Replenish his snack bag with dried fruits, a granola bar, and goldfish crackers so it's ready for the next day
My husband and I need to remind him to finish these tasks (he is usually distracted and telling me about the fun stuff they did, and eager to get on with his home leisure activities...), and sometimes he is whiny ("There's just SO MUCH to do!" "Yeah, welcome to life", I reply.) but in general, it's working well.
I want him to learn to be responsible for his own needs. He is so used to relying on me to have packed snacks and water and a sweater and his sketch pad whenever we leave the apartment. Anytime I DON'T have a handy water bottle in my tote, he's so put out. As "responsible moms" it's hard to know when/how to transition between "my kid relies on me for everything" to "my kid needs to have the forethought to pack a little tote of his own when we will be out of the house for the day".
GAHHHHH. I am so curious to follow your process for figuring out summer 2025 -- I have been thinking hard the past two weeks about whether a summer sabbatical could make sense for my business so we could take a totally different approach to summer childcare. The split focus time is killer and sucks a lot of joy out of what is actually my favorite season. Obviously speaking with a lot of privilege here, but could it be worth the income hit to just take a proper, European-style 4-6 weeks off and then come back actually/hopefully recharged. (NOT A SYSTEMIC SOLUTION TO BE CLEAR.)
I also want to hear what you decide! Next summer I won’t be able to take a real sabbatical because I’ll likely be working on my book but I aspire to get to this place professionally.
I'm PLOTTING. Maybe even later this summer, we shall see... (But yes, book work throws off all the math!)
Oh wow Katherine, I can only imagine the complete rage you must’ve felt when you got that call (the gif is probably only the half of it!) An entire week closure they never communicated about??!! So far I have been happy with our very limited participation in the summer camp Hunger Games and can’t wait to hear more about your 2025 plans. Love that you shared the summer Bingo, too, hang in there!!!
Thanks for sending it to me!!
Solidarity, Katherine. My kids are older now so it's getting a bit easier, but every summer I am filled with this same rage.
FEEL THIS.
It is all so exhausting! My rage at the current systems (or lack there of) finally ignited me to see if we could create a platform to more efficiently navigate the summer camp Hunger Games (borrowing that from another comment here!) It is currently live in Portland, OR, schoolsoutapp.com.
Very cool! When did you launch? How's it working out?
We launched very recently, the initial response has been great!
Thanks for sharing the app—checking it out now
Awesome! It won’t solve the systematic challenges we all face around this issue but it could suck a little less to carry the logistical load.
I’d be happy to connect. DM sent with contact info.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with this, Katherine. I feel very grateful that our summer camp situation (though annoying in some ways - like why is June/July a 5-week block of camp that you have to pay for all together, but August is week-to-week? Why can't the whole thing be week-to-week?) is really not too bad. We have a single child, and the same place he attends after-school has a summer day camp that he loves. He knows the leaders, as well as some of the kids, they have water activities every day, as well as crafts and games. We are able to do an early drop-off/late-pickup (8am-6pm) for an extra fee (worth it). It's not cheap, but it's reasonably affordable to us. We are also fortunate that they do communicate well, with messages in the app and also via email when there is a holiday which closes the camp, or when the kids need to bring something special.
That all being said... sometimes I'd like to feel like "summer" meant something to myself as an adult, not just a similar setup to the school year, but the nature of work in the USA is such that the grind is expected 12 months of the year. I am close to people in Denmark, and basically they all take off the month of August (businesses practically shut down, or are on just skeleton staff), and everyone accepts that. But their culture is much more oriented towards spending time with friends and family, rather than economic productivity.
I agree the Scandinavian countries really understand how to take time away from work in the summer. and since most people vacation in August, it’s not like you come back to an overflowing inbox that takes you 2 weeks to catch up on.
That is A DOOZY. WOW. My children are 9 and 6, and I work from home. I have them in camps this summer but was thinking about trying to set up some kind of rotation with 3 or 4 other families in the neighborhood next summer. I really think this could work if we do it with kids who are all around the same ages. Many of my kids friends have backyards (as do we), live in the same 2-mile radius, and we live in San Diego, which is (still, for now) a temperate climate in the summer. So, a fair amount of privileges. But when I floated this idea to other WFH and SAH parents as school was ending, everyone thought I was joking. No one else thinks it could work. ... I'm kind of thinking next summer about talking about it quite early and trying to see if we can get some real momentum. We did it with the covid pods?
I hope you try it and report back! It could totally work and you prob would have to get people on board like the fall before
What's wild to me is what another poster discussed, that work expectations are the same regardless of childcare. And if you take time off, the tasks leading up to being off and the mountain of work you come back to...ugh. I am very curious to hear what additional options you may explore next summer. I'm debating taking more time off, working adjusted summer hours, or just being more vocal about my needs being different in the summer. I also would like to spend some of that precious summer time with them, but how? I would love a day or 3 in there to go to the pool or for a a hike when it's not crammed in on the weekend. This is my first summer doing camp and the learning curve is steep. Definitely planning to adjust strategy next year.
Yeah, I work for myself at home, and sometimes I wistfully imagine my son and I off on little city summer adventures together, but my husband works a regular fulltime in-office job, and would be so envious if the two of us were off having fun without him. Also, I think that suggesting my son forego the friends and excitement of his camp wouldn't really be a "dream come true" for him, and considering how much we are paying for said camp, it feels wasteful not to use every day, and I do have SO MUCH work right now... and then all my summer fun dreams go up in smoke.
My oldest also wants to be around friends a lot so this is a real concern
Ugh, I’m angry on your behalf re the secret camp closure!!!!
We are experimenting w a low camp summer, with our 8,10,12yo kids. I am lucky to work only 3d/week now and my partner works fr home. We have a couple weeks where all 3 are at the same soccer camp together and other weeks where 1 kid has a camp and other 2 are home. Some weeks no one has camp. It’s going…about the same as other summers, though less expensive. Summer is HARD for my anxious kids and they are ending up with lots and lots of screen time. I also miss my days where I get a nervous system reset with no kids at home.
Hard but less expensive is at least a change of pace from hard AND expensive!
True!!!
I am pleased to report that I largely quit summer camp this year and it's been great. My kids are 9 and 12 and I just decided they could entertain themselves. The summer will be composed of about 2 weeks on various trips, 1 week with family out of town, 1 week at sleepaway camp, 2 weeks of traditional day camp, and the rest is unstructured. One of our day camp weeks was last week and it was horrible. I got nothing done with all of the driving and end of camp performance and etc etc. Happily they're at overnight camp this week so I can catch up. I get that you can't really do this with younger kids but I do think it's feasable with late elementary/early middle school. Yes, they have complained about being bored but that is not my problem. Highly liberating for me. When they were in camp every week, I had a few policies. 1) Both kids go to the same camp, no exceptions. 2) No camps more than 15 minutes away from our house. 3) Camps must be a minimum of 6 hours OR less than 5 minutes away.
I am team total rethink for summer 2025. My boss is super understanding and said I could flex my hours, etc., but so what, that means I parent all day and work all night?! I am seriously contemplating the income hit of shifting to part time for the summer which also feels like letting the patriarchy win.