We host a monthly pizza night and I really enjoy cooking and making slightly more complicated things. But I don’t clean much and we are usually outside (even in winter) which makes it easy. I find the hardest part is to find people who can actually come join us regularly. Hosting is wonderful but being a person who will show up is just as needed, if not more.
This is pretty much what I grew up with, some time ago and far away. Just people gathering, kids playing, guest doing dishes and setting tables in the host's house, and feeling at ease. It would be great to see the revival of this kind of gatherings in my children's lives. I'm trying to do this with my neighbors, and I wholeheartedly recommend it. What a great idea, and excellently written @Katherine Goldstein ! I would love for this to become the standard and spread everywhere.
I love this! Thanks for sharing. Sometimes in the fall we do “soup night” — I make a giant pot of something yummy, have crusty bread from the store, and then we just text a bunch of people saying it’s soup night and they can come anytime between 5 and 8 to grab a bowl of soup and hang for a bit. It’s fun.
It’s so doable! And if you do it when the weather’s nice enough to still be outdoors, you can also combine it with a fire pit or just some camping chairs dragged into your yard for people to hang outside while they eat. :)
Interested in this.. this summer I decided to do, I guess, ultra casual hosting.. bought a pack of aluminum solo cups and told people I’d be in the garden from 430 to 6 every Wednesday. I buy a bag of chips and make or buy something to dip. I make a pitcher of a adult beverage and have lemonade on hand.. if no one comes I’m happy to relax with my husband but we have had people every week so far.. it’s been very nice
One of the most important meals I ever had was with my book group in Colorado many many years ago.
It was understood that I never hosted because they all had older children and I had three dogs, two children in diapers, and the primary care giver and house manager was my musician husband while I worked full time. Their houses were large and clean; we lived in a tiny home in chaos. But one summer morning I went out to our weedy backyard to cut fresh rosemary for the focaccia I was going to make on my way to work (bread maker to knead, total 5 minutes work for it to rise all day) and I thought 'this is a messy life, but a beautiful one--I want to share it with my friends.'
So I sent out an invite for that evening for fresh focaccia at my place, please bring wine and cheese. Everyone came. We sat outside on barrels and stools and kitchen chairs on a small patch of grass my husband had mowed that afternoon and drank white wine with ice. No book to discuss, paper towels for napkins, toys strewn across the porch.
Unexpectedly, one of our members we hadn't seen for a while answered the call to come. Lynne. She was ill, with brain cancer. She came with her attendant, who might even have been her daughter. I cant remember. But I remember that she sat with us in the evening sun and followed along. She smiled and held our hands although speech had become difficult. We just enjoyed each other, laughing and catching up, while the setting of the weeds and the broken swingset faded into the background like the aperture change in a romantic movie.
Lynne died not long after.
It was the best party I ever hosted.
Thank you for your post and the chance to think of Lynne, of my friends, of that beautiful evening, and of my younger self who was able, that one evening, to let go of her Good Housekeeping fears just to eat fresh bread in the sunshine with friends.
What a beautiful, beautiful story. This made me cry. Aren't you so glad you did this? A great lesson here that what is a great night isn't the 'perfect' house or food, but rather the people and the shared experience.
My brother does this all the time and I always think “How does he find the (emotional) energy?” It’s because he does this and I set my own bar something akin to dinner at Downton Abbey. Recovering perfectionist… loved this read and reminder- thank you!
"I personally would rather have a more robust, meaningful social life filled with many ongoing casual opportunities for connection than a few formal, high-effort events/invitations per year." I feel this in my SOUL. And I love the way you've framed this whole point - practical, accessible, good for the soul.
My wife and I love to cook elaborate meals but are always deeply ashamed to have people over to our humble abode. This has inspired me to be a little more vulnerable and invite people over anyway.
Really loved this article. I've found myself more and more leaning into really casual when I have people over because I feel like it's more relaxing for everyone. Don't we all sigh a breath of relief when we go to someone's house and it's not perfect? Like "phew, me too." We had neighbors over the other day and I made frozen pizza, it was perfect.
this didn’t make it into the article but i have had guests say, “this makes me feel better about my host/kids/food i serve to guests” etc. Glad I’m setting the bar low for the whole community! 😂
We have a weekly rotating dinner with 2 other families, each family has one 5 year old kid, who have known one another basically since birth. Have been doing it since kids were wee and over time it has been sometimes early dinner and sometimes brunch, with breaks taken mostly just in summer when people are out of town. It’s super low key and kids just immediately play together so the adults can actually have adult time. The host makes all the food and the “guests” brings drinks! I think the regularity of it ensures it’s casual
VIOLENTLY in favor of every single thing on this list. Not to sound like the cranky elder millennial I am, but social media has tooooootally shifted our expectations when it comes to hosting: everyone thinks they need a cute theme, corresponding decor, matching dinnerware, a perfect playlist, and a spotless kitchen with bare-ass countertops. Normalizing having other people in your space when it's not at that inhuman level of perfection (read: styled/edited/fake)!!!
I’m at a different life stage but my version of this is morning coffee on my porch during the summer. I’m an educator and most of my friends are also off in the summer (or retired!). My husband works nights and my teens sleep in. I don’t have to clean because my guests only go inside to use the bathroom. We don’t disturb the sleepers because we’re out front. I might cut up fruit or get some pastries. It’s a lovely low stress way to connect!
My boyfriend and I recently hosted a party at our house. I was torn about whether to have a potluck because I felt that would seem "ungenerous" or something, but we decided to do it anyway. We grilled and provided a few dishes and people kindly brought lots of good food...and then a number of people just DID NOT EAT, which honestly pissed me off! It was not an elaborate meal, but we still put so much work into it. I made a separate bean salad for one friend who can't eat a specific ingredient in the main bean salad and he didn't touch it. It made me think a lot about food culture, individual needs vs. communal wellbeing, how to be a gracious guest, how important it is to share meals and open yourself up to a shared experience even if it includes things that you don't like or are not used to. I've been the person in the past who says "no thank you, I just ate" or some BS and now I know not to be that person. It also made me realize how vulnerable it is to host and how I was kind of taking it personally even though my guests didn't intend it that way-and I completely understand cultures (including the one where we live) where it's considered rude to refuse food.
Thanks for coming to my stream of consciousness speech :') Appreciated this article and think I will stick to small, casual gatherings for the most part.
The only thing worse than putting a lot of effort into a gathering is is putting a lot of effort and no one eating!!! Deep casual can help with this situation for sure!
I struggle with this too! Like...yes, not everyone can safely eat everything. But sometimes it seems like food restrictions take individuality to an extreme and communal things then go out the window. I worked in Mexico a few years back and before I opened up a bag of nuts in the office, I asked if anyone was allergic. My colleague said "That's so American." Food for thought!
Thank you for this. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Building community through intensional relationships is so important to me but I struggle with hosting. Our house is loud, cluttered with toys, doesn’t have a cohesive theme, and I hate cooking for others.
But relationships and giving loved ones a welcoming space is more important than how sleek our house is at any given time.
This is the kind of hosting I grew up with. We had people over for dinner all the time at the spur of the moment and my mom always found a way to make whatever she was cooking stretch. I have such fond memories of those days!
We do this! I call it radically ordinary hospitality. We've been hosting an open invite dinner every week for eight years (and I'm no chef and I have kids and my walls are covered in stickers), this year we switched to twice a month, but we're still hosting!
We've seen people meet friends, find housemates and jobs, and even meet spouses! (Three couples have met at our dinners and gotten married so far!) And all I do is invite people and cook!
We host a monthly pizza night and I really enjoy cooking and making slightly more complicated things. But I don’t clean much and we are usually outside (even in winter) which makes it easy. I find the hardest part is to find people who can actually come join us regularly. Hosting is wonderful but being a person who will show up is just as needed, if not more.
completely agree. we are getting together less and still too busy to get together.
This is pretty much what I grew up with, some time ago and far away. Just people gathering, kids playing, guest doing dishes and setting tables in the host's house, and feeling at ease. It would be great to see the revival of this kind of gatherings in my children's lives. I'm trying to do this with my neighbors, and I wholeheartedly recommend it. What a great idea, and excellently written @Katherine Goldstein ! I would love for this to become the standard and spread everywhere.
Hope this post helps in pulling it off!
I love this! Thanks for sharing. Sometimes in the fall we do “soup night” — I make a giant pot of something yummy, have crusty bread from the store, and then we just text a bunch of people saying it’s soup night and they can come anytime between 5 and 8 to grab a bowl of soup and hang for a bit. It’s fun.
This sounds incredibly doable! I'm filing the idea away for cooler weather.
It’s so doable! And if you do it when the weather’s nice enough to still be outdoors, you can also combine it with a fire pit or just some camping chairs dragged into your yard for people to hang outside while they eat. :)
Love this idea. So simple to execute... and who doesn't love soup?
Interested in this.. this summer I decided to do, I guess, ultra casual hosting.. bought a pack of aluminum solo cups and told people I’d be in the garden from 430 to 6 every Wednesday. I buy a bag of chips and make or buy something to dip. I make a pitcher of a adult beverage and have lemonade on hand.. if no one comes I’m happy to relax with my husband but we have had people every week so far.. it’s been very nice
Perfect. I love this is a standing date
One of the most important meals I ever had was with my book group in Colorado many many years ago.
It was understood that I never hosted because they all had older children and I had three dogs, two children in diapers, and the primary care giver and house manager was my musician husband while I worked full time. Their houses were large and clean; we lived in a tiny home in chaos. But one summer morning I went out to our weedy backyard to cut fresh rosemary for the focaccia I was going to make on my way to work (bread maker to knead, total 5 minutes work for it to rise all day) and I thought 'this is a messy life, but a beautiful one--I want to share it with my friends.'
So I sent out an invite for that evening for fresh focaccia at my place, please bring wine and cheese. Everyone came. We sat outside on barrels and stools and kitchen chairs on a small patch of grass my husband had mowed that afternoon and drank white wine with ice. No book to discuss, paper towels for napkins, toys strewn across the porch.
Unexpectedly, one of our members we hadn't seen for a while answered the call to come. Lynne. She was ill, with brain cancer. She came with her attendant, who might even have been her daughter. I cant remember. But I remember that she sat with us in the evening sun and followed along. She smiled and held our hands although speech had become difficult. We just enjoyed each other, laughing and catching up, while the setting of the weeds and the broken swingset faded into the background like the aperture change in a romantic movie.
Lynne died not long after.
It was the best party I ever hosted.
Thank you for your post and the chance to think of Lynne, of my friends, of that beautiful evening, and of my younger self who was able, that one evening, to let go of her Good Housekeeping fears just to eat fresh bread in the sunshine with friends.
Love this story!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
What a beautiful, beautiful story. This made me cry. Aren't you so glad you did this? A great lesson here that what is a great night isn't the 'perfect' house or food, but rather the people and the shared experience.
My brother does this all the time and I always think “How does he find the (emotional) energy?” It’s because he does this and I set my own bar something akin to dinner at Downton Abbey. Recovering perfectionist… loved this read and reminder- thank you!
Remember Downton Abbey had about 30 servants!!
😅
"I personally would rather have a more robust, meaningful social life filled with many ongoing casual opportunities for connection than a few formal, high-effort events/invitations per year." I feel this in my SOUL. And I love the way you've framed this whole point - practical, accessible, good for the soul.
My wife and I love to cook elaborate meals but are always deeply ashamed to have people over to our humble abode. This has inspired me to be a little more vulnerable and invite people over anyway.
Yes! I’m sure people won’t notice the abode, esp if you are great cooks!’
Really loved this article. I've found myself more and more leaning into really casual when I have people over because I feel like it's more relaxing for everyone. Don't we all sigh a breath of relief when we go to someone's house and it's not perfect? Like "phew, me too." We had neighbors over the other day and I made frozen pizza, it was perfect.
this didn’t make it into the article but i have had guests say, “this makes me feel better about my host/kids/food i serve to guests” etc. Glad I’m setting the bar low for the whole community! 😂
It’s really a gift to others!
haha exactly!
We have a weekly rotating dinner with 2 other families, each family has one 5 year old kid, who have known one another basically since birth. Have been doing it since kids were wee and over time it has been sometimes early dinner and sometimes brunch, with breaks taken mostly just in summer when people are out of town. It’s super low key and kids just immediately play together so the adults can actually have adult time. The host makes all the food and the “guests” brings drinks! I think the regularity of it ensures it’s casual
This is suburb
Superb 😉
omg i wrote this after my kid woke me up at 4am 😂
VIOLENTLY in favor of every single thing on this list. Not to sound like the cranky elder millennial I am, but social media has tooooootally shifted our expectations when it comes to hosting: everyone thinks they need a cute theme, corresponding decor, matching dinnerware, a perfect playlist, and a spotless kitchen with bare-ass countertops. Normalizing having other people in your space when it's not at that inhuman level of perfection (read: styled/edited/fake)!!!
Yup
I’m at a different life stage but my version of this is morning coffee on my porch during the summer. I’m an educator and most of my friends are also off in the summer (or retired!). My husband works nights and my teens sleep in. I don’t have to clean because my guests only go inside to use the bathroom. We don’t disturb the sleepers because we’re out front. I might cut up fruit or get some pastries. It’s a lovely low stress way to connect!
Love this!
My boyfriend and I recently hosted a party at our house. I was torn about whether to have a potluck because I felt that would seem "ungenerous" or something, but we decided to do it anyway. We grilled and provided a few dishes and people kindly brought lots of good food...and then a number of people just DID NOT EAT, which honestly pissed me off! It was not an elaborate meal, but we still put so much work into it. I made a separate bean salad for one friend who can't eat a specific ingredient in the main bean salad and he didn't touch it. It made me think a lot about food culture, individual needs vs. communal wellbeing, how to be a gracious guest, how important it is to share meals and open yourself up to a shared experience even if it includes things that you don't like or are not used to. I've been the person in the past who says "no thank you, I just ate" or some BS and now I know not to be that person. It also made me realize how vulnerable it is to host and how I was kind of taking it personally even though my guests didn't intend it that way-and I completely understand cultures (including the one where we live) where it's considered rude to refuse food.
Thanks for coming to my stream of consciousness speech :') Appreciated this article and think I will stick to small, casual gatherings for the most part.
The only thing worse than putting a lot of effort into a gathering is is putting a lot of effort and no one eating!!! Deep casual can help with this situation for sure!
People not eating is sort of an odd thing, isn’t it? Also the rise in food sensitivities and special diets makes it feel a little harder to host.
I used to be very comfortable having people over but at some point it faded.
I struggle with this too! Like...yes, not everyone can safely eat everything. But sometimes it seems like food restrictions take individuality to an extreme and communal things then go out the window. I worked in Mexico a few years back and before I opened up a bag of nuts in the office, I asked if anyone was allergic. My colleague said "That's so American." Food for thought!
Thank you for this. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Building community through intensional relationships is so important to me but I struggle with hosting. Our house is loud, cluttered with toys, doesn’t have a cohesive theme, and I hate cooking for others.
But relationships and giving loved ones a welcoming space is more important than how sleek our house is at any given time.
This is the kind of hosting I grew up with. We had people over for dinner all the time at the spur of the moment and my mom always found a way to make whatever she was cooking stretch. I have such fond memories of those days!
We do this! I call it radically ordinary hospitality. We've been hosting an open invite dinner every week for eight years (and I'm no chef and I have kids and my walls are covered in stickers), this year we switched to twice a month, but we're still hosting!
We've seen people meet friends, find housemates and jobs, and even meet spouses! (Three couples have met at our dinners and gotten married so far!) And all I do is invite people and cook!
Here's our encouragement on getting started:
How About Dinner? – Faith & Witness https://share.google/5n0d8aPWGIyQ90RlX
wow three marriages, that ia an impressive track record!!